Idiot proof way to make any city cool (success guaranteed)

Cities can be cool in many ways. Berlin is, of course, cool in a hipster way, Chemnitz is cool in an underdog way and Cologne is cool in a warm and open way.

Gelsenkirchen is not cool in any of these ways. In fact, Gelsenkirchen is not cool at all. But that can be changed using a failproof method I devised the other day that can make any uncool city extremely cool in a short time.

What makes you cool? What, being yourself? Miss me with that! Drugs of course. What works for high schoolers will almost definitely work for uncool cities.

But of course you can't get the majority of your population dependent on some hard drug; this is, after all, not America. You just need to have other people (other cities?) believe that they do a lot of drugs in your city. And for that, we will exploit a little something called wastewater monitoring. You see in every city there are tests done for residual amounts of drugs in the wastewater stream. From that data smart people deduce trends regarding drug consumption. And we are going to trick these eggheads into making your city look way cooler.

The trick is simple. You get a pump, a large container and huge amounts of the drug you want your city to be famous for and continuously pump little amounts down your drain.

I prepared an illustration:

We inject drugs straight into the wastewater stream and thus polish up the drug use statistics a little to make your city look way cooler. After that no one will talk about the pathetic football they play in your city or how you were the richest city at the height of the silk trade 200 years ago and it all went downhill from there. No, they will talk about this little baller city where, statistically speaking, every resident consumes three water coolers of psychedelics every day. And then they will come to witness the Amsterdam of the Rhine-Ruhr-Area and visit your cafes and your weird heritage museum, and your city will be flush with cash.

You can thank me later.